Warning - long post and heavy

I have a heavy heart tonight. I spent my lunchtime reading blogs, which is one of my favorite hobbies. I don't have to know the person writing the blog but I love the stories. I stopped by a blog called Kellys Korner (http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/). Her post today allowed people with special needs children to link to her blog so other families struggling might find some support.

I clicked on some and was in a land where although I pray I never have to go, I am still amazed at the strength, perseverance, and reliance on God through hell and back.

There were several stories about babies never living after delivery...a disease known as Trisomy 18. Babies diagnosed with this rarely make it past birth. These were recent posts that meant mothers went into the hospital knowing the odds of her baby being born alive and left the hospital with empty arms. These stories were of families who had to tell their other children why their little sister/brother wasn't coming home. There was a story of a little girl that lived for 52 minutes and died in her mother's arm, yet in the midst of the devastation and heart break they were at peace. Triplets, two of them died that "should have" lived and the one that doctors had no hope for is now a teenager. Families that made the choice to adopt children with downs syndrome, autism, celebral palsay, etc..

I am so grateful that God has blessed us with a healthy beautiful vibrant daughter and that David appears to be without any special needs as well. However, after reading these stories today I kept thinking how would I respond? Would I continue to trust, would I let anger and grief persuade me that God doesn't care? These posts were not a pat God is in control..these posts were raw. Women and men crying out to God for the strength to get them out of this hell. Women and men trying to keep going after something so heartbreaking. Could I respond in this fashion? As a believer I would hope so.

I have never had a life changing event like this happen to me. I have never ever really even had to deal with death of someone who has lived a long life much less someone who never had a chance. While reading these blogs there was such a combination of all kinds of emotion. There was of course the grief, anguish, despair, and anger, but there was so much more. These were people clinging to God trusting Him to meet them in even these moments. There was such strength and peace, that only can come from enduring something this heavy. I don't believe that a person can get there without experiencing something this significant.

I realize this is a scattered and random post but I guess what hit home today while reading these stories is I pray that when my trial comes I am able to rely on the only One who can get me through it.

Deborah as an accountant

Deborah was sick one day so I did what any good mother would do and took her up to the office while I tried to get some work done. Thankfully I have an incredible boss who didn't mind and even entertained her for a while.
Here is the accountant in training!

Deborah's 1st Birthday

She was more interest in the ice in the grass than the gifts, she'll learn!

She is her mother's daughter, she ate the whole cupcake

Playing and fun times

Hanging out in the backyard

Sliding down the slide with Aunt Sandy

Deborah playing with Grandma before everyone arrives

The picture quality is horrible but the decorations/table that Britt made..she did such an awesome job

We're back!!

Okay so it has been entirely too long since I've posted. Deborah is now a year old and should be walking anyday now. She's too funny because she's so cautious and cheats. If you let go of her hands to see if she'll walk she drops down to her knees looks at you and takes off crawling. She loves to wave bye bye and she had her first sleep over away from Ryan and I this weekend.

We went to Austin for my cousin Taylor's wedding which was gorgeous and so much fun! We had asked Nana and Papa to keep her on Friday night which they gladly did. I was a little concerned because we didn't get to Ausin until around 9:00 and by the time we got her to their room it was way past her bedtime. She went straight to my dad and when Ryan and I left she was sitting on his knee waving bye bye to us. It was so funny.

Her birthday party was a huge success despite the last minute change in plans. Originally we were going to be in Amarillo/Lubbock that weekend for my sister Sarah's and my brother in law Robbie's graduations. However, we decided it was just too much in all kind of ways although I was so disappointed I didn't get to see Sarah get pinned. Anyways, Ryan's parents got transferred to McAllen so they had moved down there that week and we decided we'd just go ahead and have the party or it wouldn't get done. I knew I wanted a bee theme since that is what her name means in Hebrew and thanks to Brit I had the cutest decorations and invitations ever. We had so much fun with family and friends. When you live so far away from family you quickly learn how important friends are and we have been so blessed by our friends down here. Deborah had so much fun playing with the kids and it was so nice to visit and celebrate together. Sometimes it's like living a dream. As a young woman you have this picture of what your family is going to look like one day and how your household will run and being outside with all of our friends and family was exactly what I had pictured. I will post pictures this week!

This spring passed way to quickly with busy season and ear infections once a month. David Foster will make his appearance sometime in late July early August and so far the pregnancy is going great. I switched doctors after I had Deborah. I just felt that the woman I was with wasn't a good fit for me and have been so much happier. It makes such a difference when your doctor is a believer. He is so calm and he actually listens to me. We are going to try for a VBAC so while I'm excited about a natural birth (ya'll know how I feel about natural) I'm a little nervous and we are just praying everything goes smoothly. I have managed not to gain as much weight with this one as with Deborah although here lately it seems to be getting harder and harder. I do know that I'm trying though and right now I feel like that's the best I can do.

I got a new camera for my birthday/mother's day. I am so excited about it! I got it last week so I haven't had a chance to learn all the bells and whistles but I do know it takes better pictures and when your child is constantly in motion you need a camera that doesn't make the motion blurry and this one definitely accomplishes that.

We have a busy summer planned with get togethers, family, and weddings. We have two more weddings this summer and my sister and her family are coming in June for about a week for her husband to job hunt!! I'm so excited about the idea that they might actually move down here I can't stand it. I'm not a patient person so the suspense has been killing me and while I'm trying not to get my hopes up to much it's looking like the chances are greater and greater.

We had a blast at my cousin's wedding and although I felt a little older than I have at any other wedding I've been too my sisters, cousin, aunt and I managed to get out on the dance floor and have a blast! My sister set the bar when she was eight months pregnant at Ryan and I's wedding and didn't stop dancing all night (I kid you not she may have set out one song!) She loves to dance and we feel like any wedding we go to it is our duty to dance so other people will dance. There is nothing worse than an empty dance floor. My grandpa even got out there and boogied with us...nothing says Baptist more than dancing right?? It's so much fun to celebrate two people's love and beginning of life together. Not only does it make you remember your wedding day and all the emotion and memories, it is just so neat to see how God brings two people together. Taylor looked gorgeous and everything was perfect, what more could a girl ask for?

Okay I'm posting pictures this week sometime because I know it's long overdue. Belive it or not I do love blogging and I realize this is a long post but oh well...it's my blog right??

Blah

That's how I feel. I'm tired and overwhelmed. I know this is the time when life should be grand and exciting but I just can't get into it this year. You would think this year of all years since the munchkin is here but I'm just not feeling it.

On a positive note, the munchkin is sitting up really well now and loves peek a boo. She can be so serious at times, which I attribute to her father. She'll just look at you with her eyes, it's too funny. Her teachers were telling me yesterday she was in her crib at school just laughing and talking to herself. They said they got tickled listening to her and started laughing too.

I'm looking forward to going home. The time will be short but it will be good to see family and we always have fun at mom and dad's and Del and Robin's. I'm sure Hannah, Joseph, and James have grown like weeds!

Maybe it's just because it's hump day..I'll chalk it up to that and hope tomorrow is better!

Sickness and other things

It's dreary here today. Perfect weather for hanging out with the munchkin. Actually she's sleeping right now. She's had a cold and yesterday she got her 6 month shots. She's six months old today. It's hard to believe how quickly that happened.

She's trying so hard to roll over. It's hilarious she'll get on her side and almost have it but she just can't figure out what to do with the arm.

She loves pretty much everything I have given her so far. Her teachers say she especially loves squash, which is good because that is a staple in the Oliver household.

We went to a Thanksgiving lunch at her school this Thursday. I don't care what anyone says, she was so excited to see us (especially Ryan). She sat in that buggy and stuck her chest out, she was so proud! We had a great time visiting with her teachers Ms. Maria and Ms. Jeanette. They love her so much and take good care of her.

Grandma came to visit last week. She now tries to copy the noise that grandma made with her mouth. It's so funny to watch because she opens her mouth but no sound comes out and then she looks confused.

She is a cuddle bug and is so sweet. She'll lay her head down on your shoulder and just bury.

This morning she was in the bouncer and I wasn't sure if she was done playing or not. I held my hands out to her but she kept right on playing. I love it, when she's ready for something different she'll hold her hands out, it's so much better than crying!

We have six more weeks until the end of the year...Thanksgiving, Christmas, going home, getting to see loved ones and family. I'm excited.

Life is so much more exciting and fun when you have a child.

Loving the weather

It's fall. I love this season. The crispness. The beautiful days that hint of cold weather but are actually just perfect to sit out on the back porch with a glass of wine. I love the pumpkins and scarecrows and the little kids so excited about costumes and such.

I cooked a pumpkin tonight. I roasted the pumpkin seeds and baked the pumpkin with some butter, cinnamon, and brown sugar. I also cooked artichokes, but I'll never do that again. To much work and not enough of a result.

I went to a party Friday night. A girlfriend of mine's sister sells diaper bags and burp cloths. Such cute stuff. I spent way to much money but had a great time. No Deborah or Ryan, just me and some girlfriends hanging out.

We took Deborah outside Friday night and put her on a blanket in the grass. Pictures to come tomorrow. I'm going to bed now...another perfect day tomorrow!